The Five Sayote You Meet In Heaven
You pass through the pearly gates and see St. Peter scanning everyone with a metal detector (if it beeps you'll be sent to purgatory). A cherub gives you a brochure with glossy pictures of amenities you could have once you're a member.
Requirements for membership:
- You have to be dead
- Without any binding contract with the devil regarding your soul
- Passed St. Peter's thorough examination
- Must have completed all the sacraments
- Willing to avail a shiny halo upon membership
So you've passed steps 1 and 3. Still trying hard to remember if you've made any infernal contract back when you were a teenager and pretty sure that you'd like a shiny halo. Sacraments? Isn't that a city in California? You asked the cherub how you could be sure you've completed the sacraments. The winged toddler gave you the once-over and suggested you meet the verification committee; second building to the left of the apple tree, watch out for the serpent.
The verification office reminded you of P.G.H. back in the 80's, all gray and white without a hint of pastel. You were led to a room at the topmost level. You had to float and pass through ceilings and floors to get there.
And there they were, five green, glossy and slightly prickly vegetables. Sayote. You heard a collective hum, felt something brush your mind and saw your life flash in front of you. "So this is the part where 'this' happens!" you tell yourself. A few minutes later you got a clearance card from a seraph and was sent to the registration center to get your membership card.
You're now officially in heaven! But how did those vegetables know everything about your life? How could they know anything at all in the first place? You asked the wisest looking bloke you could find hanging around the garden and (of course) ended up with Him-whose-name-must-not be-used-in-vain. "Hi Mr. God," you greeted. "Yes, I know what you're thinking," He cuts in, "sit down, listen carefully, I don't like repeating myself so might as well write this down in a stone tablet."
"All the sayote on earth came from heaven, I sent them down when my angels were on the verge of another uprising from being overworked. Angels actually do almost everything: administrative work, surveillance, counseling, policing, soldiering, etc. I didn't want another Lucifer in my hands so I gave the surveillance and intelligence task to the first living entity I saw. The sayote. So much for the grand design huh? Haha! It turned out they were a good choice, sayote could be found almost anywhere! Of course, they prefer to stay in high and cold places like Baguio, it reminds them of Eden."
"So how come the sayote know everything about your life? They're everywhere! What was the first solid food your mother fed you? Mashed sayote! What was your dad's all time favorite? Chopsuey with lots of sayote extenders! Buttered vegetables with sayote was the usual side dish in you elementary school cafeteria! Sauteed sayote was the dish you cursed every time it was served at home! Sayote is the "apple" in that apple pie you order in your favorite cafe! It's everywhere! It's in all those vegetable soup that they give in sidewalk restaurants! It's in every market place and grocery store!... Did I answer your question?" God didn't wait for a reply and just vanished on the spot.
So there you were all alone with more question in your head before you spoke to Him. Then, a thin ray of light broke through the clouds and shone on your head. The halo you ordered just arrived.
posted by joms @ 11:37 PM
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